My Feet Are Moving, But my Heart's Sinking

After two disappointing long runs and very sore legs, I’m finally ready to face the blog. The humidity, allergies and muscle fatigue have really bummed me out. I’m normally a half-empty girl, but with 11 weeks to go until Chicago, I’m going look ahead and focus on the positive instead.

Tuesdays are speed work days and I’m very thankful that the last one was finally gratifying. I banged out 7 miles on the treadmill with 5x800m’s (~1/2 mile) and the last repeat was a full 1600m at 8 min miles. It felt great. Wednesday’s 5 miler was tough because of the oppressive humidity. Wringing out my shirt after a run is disgusting. Today’s 6 ½ pace run was another confidence builder. I finished with an 8:17/mile pace – 17 seconds faster than my goal pace. The thought of running that fast for 20 more miles scares the hell out of me though. A reprieve from distance this week…ten miles on Sunday. It should be a relatively easy run.

I’m trying not to panic at the thought of the 26.2 big picture, but reminding myself that it’s a process. It’s hard to feel calm, because I feel like I should feel better for most of these runs, but I’m struggling. I know I'll be able to run it. How fast I can run it is the burning question. I hope it’s just the heat that's holding me back so far.

Luckily, my mind and emotions are still in a good state. My old friends are invaluable and my new ones help fill in the gaps. Silver and gold, as the Girl Scout song goes. Lots of good things are about to happen for me. I still believe equilibrium is on its way…

It's Mind Over Matter

Brutal 13 miles last Friday. I think I can attribute it to fatigue in my legs. I did hills on Tuesday, lots of leg work in the weight room Wednesday, ran 4 miles at a good clip on Thursday and then RS and I decided to knock out our long run early on Friday instead of waiting until the weekend. It was a big blow to my confidence to struggle up the hills. It’s mind over matter at that point and it helps to have an encouraging running buddy who won’t let me quit, even if I do feel like tripping her sometimes when she has more energy. Not really. I love you. (I’ve seen her fall and it ain’t pretty.) Still, I finished with an 8:53 pace. It felt like 11:53. I’m proud of myself for running through the pain.

I ran an easy 3 with the bonehead on Sunday to work out that lactic acid in my quads. We both appreciated the relief. Weights on Monday - I love weight days – and treadmill speed work today. I did 4x800’s, but should have done 5 or 6. I ran out of time and breath. Running fartleks, or intervals, are usually enjoyable for me, but these allergies are killing me. I know my friends are sick of hearing me complain about it! I kept reminding myself that I could do anything for a short period of time. On the treadmill, that mind control kicks in with about 1 ½ minutes left in my interval. Convincing myself that any amount of time is surmountable is a theme that seems to carry over into my life right now.

The tendinitis in my right knee is still aggravating, but I’ll take it compared with the chrondomalacia that nearly killed me training for Chicago in 2004. Ice, ice baby. And lots of Advil liquid-gels. Bless the guy who came up with that idea.

Lots of good ju-ju in the last week. My mind finally feels better than my body. I will find equilibrium eventually. Now if I could just find someone with magic hands to rub down my legs…

I was thinking...

Have you ever physically missed someone? I mean missed their physical being? How many times do you pay attention to the true feeling of hugging someone you love? I think most people take it for granted with a quick arms-entangled short embrace or just a one-armed obligatory hug. How does it make you feel to have their arms around wrapped around your body, your chests pressed together so that you can almost feel each other’s heart beating and to breathe in their scent as you put your head beside theirs? It’s the kind of embrace with someone you love that makes everything in the world just right for that few seconds. I miss someone like that a lot.

But that got me thinking about how I hug other people that I love like my mom and dad or my kids. I hug them, but most of the time, it’s mindless and I don’t really feel them. My mind is usually on to something else as we embrace. I’m setting a goal for myself to feel the physicality of and the emotion I have for each person I hug. It means so much to me to feel that with the person I miss. I know I take for granted that the rest of the loved ones in my life will always be here for me to hug. Not that I’m a huge spiritual person, but I think there is a positive flow of energy that comes from feeling each other and appreciating that they are in front of me, even just for a few seconds. Who can't use a little good ju-ju?

The Confidence Builds with the Miles

Eleven miles last Friday. The furthest distance I’ve run since February. It was agonizing to hear the alarm at 5 a.m., knowing I would have to get my muscles in gear in an hour. I have to get up at least an hour before I want to hit the road. It takes me awhile to organize my thoughts, eat something and make sure I have all the necessary items: watch, sweat hankie, the right socks, hat, sunglasses, Body Glide, allergy meds, and water bottles if I’m on a long run. If I’m not together, it seems to throw off my running groove. Maybe a little OCD. I get it honestly.

I ran with the GOTR group because I felt like I should make an effort to meet some of members of Team Tiara. As I was driving to the GOTR office, I was hoping I would be able to connect with someone who was interested in running my goal pace of 9:15-9:30. I tried not to think about how much it would suck if I had to run really or fast to have some sort of friendly conversation. I wasn't interested in a solo run. Luckily, I hooked up with Karen, a GOTR volunteer coach, who “said” she was a slow runner. It was a great run - I was even able to sprint the last 1/4 mile - and it was interesting to talk to a new person for an hour and thirty-seven minutes. I learned that Karen, like me, had only run one marathon before and she was thrilled with her accomplishment. She was glad to be able to do it for fun and didn’t seem to have the goal of being a “super runner”. I got her email address so that I could let her know our pace after I went home to calculate it. As it turned out, our relatively comfortable run resulted in an 8:48 pace instead of the 9:30 I was shooting for. She was in disbelief, said she had never run that pace and that it was a great confidence boost for her. I’m glad I was there to share it!

I gained a little more confidence myself, which is exactly what I need in my life right now…maybe if I put everything I’ve got into this training, I CAN run an 8:35 marathon pace for a 3:45 to qualify for Boston. Who knew I would feel great with "gas in the tank" as R.S. says, at the end of 11 miles? Great things are beginning to happen in my mind and on the road.

Hill Repeats...ugh!

6 x up a long steady hill with four minute (rest) jogs in between.

6 x my inner thighs are on fire = this sucks.
6 x my right quad is too tight = this sucks.
6 x I feel like I'm breathing through a cheese cloth = this sucks.
6 x I can't make my leg turn over any faster! = this sucks.
6 x I passed a squashed bug on the road = sucks for him.

Still, I managed to get a little faster with each trek up. The rewards of running hill repeats won't be immediately apparent, but increased speed and endurance are what I'm guaranteed eventually.

That + my determination to see this through with everything I've got = a feeling that does not suck as I cross the finish line under my goal time.